im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
