I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
