I think im going to throw up on grandma
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize