Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
