I didn't shave. On purpose
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just gargled with NyQuil
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
