I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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