i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
