But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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