1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
