fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
