I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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