i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
