I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
