the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
