the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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