He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
