Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
