Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
