its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
