shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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