I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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