and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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