Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
