Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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