Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
