we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
