Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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