Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
