I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
