The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
