Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
