I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
