Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
