Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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