someone threw a dead crab at me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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