Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
