Christians are straight up FREAKS
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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