mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
