I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
