My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
