its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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