??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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