Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
