I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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