you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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