I heard we made out
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize