Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
