you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize