I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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