Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
