CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
