I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
