i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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