Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
