Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
