I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I deserve this hangover.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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