party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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