if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
