It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
