Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
