He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
