i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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