remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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