please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
