Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
