My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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